“A habitual slot-machine gambler, also a drunk, staggered into the Automat. He walked up to the sandwich section and deposited some nickels. A ham sandwich popped out. He deposited more coins, collecting more and more sandwiches. The manager walked over to him and said, ‘Pardon me, sir, but why don’t you stop? Haven’t you got enough?’ The drunk turned on him and said, ‘What? Quit when I’m on a winning streak?'” — Joe E. Brown
“I’m not the comedian I once was. A comedian has to be slightly insulting, comedy has to be 70 per cent insults, and I’m always afraid today when I say something funny it may hurt someone. If another comic makes a crack about my mouth, I just can’t insult him back.” — Joe E. Brown
